STANDARD FOR THE OWNER HANDLER
GENERAL CHARACTERISTICS: The ideal
owner-handler is a creature with the manners of a Utility dog, the disposition of a Sporting dog, the intelligence
of a Working dog, the perseverance of a Hound, the determination of a Terrier, the resiliency of a Toy, and the friendliness of a Non-Sporting dog.
HEAD: Bloody but unbowed which encases a Pentium II computer used for totaling wins and sizing up Judges.
EYES: Slightly crossed - one to watch the dog while the other watches the Judge.
MOUTH: Optional. But it is needed for those types who describe wins to novices and losses to sympathetic ears. Excessive use of this orifice is a SERIOUS offense.
ARMS: Well muscled, caused by carrying crates, grooming supplies, lunch bags, chairs, umbrellas, and children's boots across three acres of fields because the show committee forgot to provide parking near the tents. A third arm is required for owner-handlers who bait their dogs.
BACK: Aching for owner-handlers of large breeds, due to carrying them to the rung on rainy days. Toy breed owner-handlers will have to find their own excuse.
KNEES: One on each leg, pitted by small stones from kneeling at outdoor shows.
FEET: Very important for German Shepherd owner-handlers. Seven league boots, when available, are necessary, or being 20 years younger is more ideal.
SEX: Any sex is allowed. Although it is sometimes advantageous to be a female when under male Judges, and vice-versa.
DISQUALIFICATIONS: Color: green with envy or red with rage. Attire: Bikinis worn when exhibiting. There is no ruling on sending a Judge a picture of an owner-handler wearing one. However, it is preferable to have their dog somewhere in the picture.
From the ESSCO Newsletter